By Erica Sauer
Why do some people speak their truth and others do not?
Why do some people feel comfortable being themselves and others do not?
Why do some people feel like living in authenticity is rewarding and other do not?
It quite literally all goes back to our programming as a children.
Were you rewarded for your authenticity or told to be something you were not?
Were you celebrated for your uniqueness or told to do and be someone you were not?
Were you allowed to have your own thoughts, feelings and emotions that differed from your family and friends or were you not?
We continually repeat patterns from our past until we become aware of our energetic blueprint. Our brains are quite literally like filing cabinets. We file away everything we have learned through experience into our speaking our truth file, money file, relationships file, love file and so on and so forth. Each file contains every memory, thought, and emotional response in each category.
When a particular file is triggered, all the congruent information will come up. If we feel we want to say something, we tap into the speaking our truth file. If in that file, it has been stored that speaking our minds equals punishment or pain we will not use our voice. This can happen in an instant, unconsciously, without us even realizing. Maybe mom or dad denied our truth or scolded us when we had an opinion that differed from them. Maybe a teacher yelled at us for singing during class and we made it mean we weren’t allowed use our voice. Because we associate speaking our truth to painful, without fail we will deny ourselves, our reality and our feelings, every time.
Although our unconscious mind may rationalize the decision to keep our mouths shut, it likely will not produce the results we desire. When we mute ourselves and deny the truth of who we are, we tend to feel rejected by our own selves and in turn rejected by others. We can’t be accepted by others if we do not accept our selves. It always starts with us. We are the leading energy in our lives. If we reject ourselves then the universe will respond to that energy and based on the law of attraction - like energy attracts like energy - we will continue attract people who also reject themselves and in turn reject you. We quite literally put ourselves in the frequency of “rejection” and then attractive physical equivalent to that frequency.
Isn’t it wild that the mind will continuously believe it is making the right choice, in avoidance of pain, even though it sees that the results are not giving it what it desires to thrive?
People who live authentic, passionate, and connected lives think a certain way and the ones that live inauthentic lives where they feel like they self-abandon think a certain way. Authentic people tend to feel more fulfilled, have more fulfilling relationships and feel like they have deeper intimate connections than those who do not. Inauthentic people tend to feel isolated, alone and unfulfilled more often.
It is quite paradoxical, right? People abandon themselves because they believe in order to belong and be accepted by family and friends they have to. While those who are themselves and don’t worry about losing people tend to have deeper connected relationships.
Why is that? Because you cannot have a deep relationship with anyone when you are not yourself. There is a veil in between you and the other person. When you aren’t you, how could you possibly connect with someone deeply? You are a watered down version of yourself and in between you and the other person are walls you have built up to protect yourself from being seen.
Intimate relationships come with vulnerability and authenticity. When the truth of who you are pairs with the truth of someone else is when you find genuine connection.
Vulnerability is necessary in order to have real, authentic human connection. If you have to hide parts of yourself to belong, you never belonged in the first place. If someone can’t see and accept all of you for who you are, that connection isn’t real.
To find your tribe, and to find deep and fulfilling connections, you first have to accept your story and accept who you are. You have to have compassion and kindness for that person, for all parts of her/him. Then you have embrace the truth and tell that story with courage. Connection is a result of being fully seen and fully authentic. You have to be willing to let go of who you think you should be and embrace who you are becoming. There has to be understanding that some people will stay and others will go, and the ones that are meant for you will find you. This takes a level trust and faith. And when you find that tribe, the ones who accept you for your imperfections and your struggle, the ones who love you for all parts of you, there will be no more rewarding life experience, because that is what life is all about - deep human connection.
So how? How do I start get vulnerable, speak my truth and let myself be seen?
Speaking your truth, begins with you. You must connect to yourself and get inquisitive about everything you think you know about who you are. Awareness. Awareness. Awareness.
Why do you do what you do? Are these perceptions yours or someone else’s? Are these values authentic to you or are they your parents? What is your shadow self protecting you from? What are you scared of? How are you projecting your pain onto others? Where and with whom do you deny your reality? Where and with whom do you deny your needs? Where and with whom do you deny the truth of who I are?
With this undeniable truth of your patterns and how you are showing up in the world, you can begin to accept where you have been and where you desire to go. In acceptance, comes radical shifts in perception and choice.
These shifts happen somewhat naturally because you are able to see so clearly why you are getting the results you are getting. You feel as though you can no longer think the same way and make the same choices because you no longer want to just survive, you desire to THRIVE.
Yes, it takes a level of courage. The root of the word courage is cor, the latin word for heart. Courage originally meant - “To speak one's mind by telling all of one's heart." So yes, following one’s heart is a brave thing to do in a world where many seem to follow the herd. However, once you know your patterns, once you feel that those patterns are not serving you, following your heart becomes more and more appealing.
It takes practice to relearn and rewire the programming. Just like the practice of medicine or the practice of yoga, we have to practice new ways of being, we have to practice speaking our truth in order to master it, in order to see what works and what does not. Strat to practice with things that feel smaller to you and with people you feel safe with, and continue to work your way up.
I know this all might sound a little difficult but let me tell you the outcome is worth it.
Below was my first IG post, after writing my first blog and telling the full truth about my past relationship with my mother, my brother’s suicide and my struggle with my tennis career. You can feel this powerful too!
“Stepping into full expression and feeling my personal power for the first time maybe ever in my life. I’ve found my voice and my worth through my self-expression. I’ve found my self-respect through my authenticity. I have honored my feelings and my needs maybe for the first time ever. Who would have known that stepping fully into vulnerability, would help me fully accept myself, accept things I didn’t even realize I hadn’t yet accepted. I’ve been able to release things not serving me and have genuine faith in myself. I feel like I have my own back for the first time EVER. I’ve got this. I’m capable! I’m worthy! I’m not just saying these things in hopes of it landing. I feel it. I didn’t even know it was missing. No matter what happens, no matter who comes or who goes, whether jobs come or jobs go, I’ve got this! I finally trust that I will honor myself, my needs and who I genuinely know myself to be. I have a big heart with good intentions and I now know that no one can take that from me. I can only give someone that power. It’s not my job to manage anyone else’s feelings. I am me. I am responsible for myself and the imprint I am leaving on this world. I am responsible for my character just as you are responsible for yours. It’s not what it looks like, but who you are being. Who are you being behind closed doors? What are you doing? What are your intentions? My intentions are to help as many women and men who have struggled in abusive and addictive relationships through my own journey and help them find their voice, their worth and their self-respect. Help them find safety within themselves. I literally sobbed tears of gratitude today for this journey of life. It’s no doubt had highs and lows. It’s been painful as shit at times but seriously so magical. All of it makes up the fabric of our lives. It’s such a beautiful process if you let it be. You can find beauty in the darkness, you can find your personal power in your weakness. Your struggle genuinely introduces you to your strength. You are worthy! Sending so much love to everyone today. You’ve got this!”
There is nothing quite like choosing you, your ideas, your feelings, your passions, and your life.
Yes, there is a gap sometimes in between what you feel you lost and what you will see you gain. Yes, sometimes it can feel a little painful, since we are mourning the loss of our prior selves. That person who had no idea who they were. The ego gets comfortable in that uncomfortable space. It doesn’t have to take responsibility for itself. It gets to look to others to confirm or deny it’s reality. It gets to play the role of the victim. (when I put it like that it doesn’t seem to the rational mind like you are losing anything) However, the ego feels like it’s losing itself. The identity and role it has taken years to compile and construct goes away and we begin to feel impermanent, we don’t know where we are going and a level of uncertainty kicks in. Nothing scares the ego more than uncertainty. However, if you linger in the gap long enough, without making it mean something is wrong with you and instead, with the knowing that your life will only get better, you will end up in the career of your dreams, with the friends of a lifetime and feeling your personal power in a way you never knew was possible. There is no doubt in my mind that will be your truth when you speak your truth.
Start to go inward, learn who you are and then practice it to master it. You’ve got this!
Erica Sauer is an Intuitive Life Coach, Breathwork Facilitator & Writer.
she hosts morning breath work and an evening group discussion for our community. You can enroll here.
Read more articles by Erica: https://www.ericasauer.com/
Millions of Mirrors by Erica Sauer is based on the assumption that everything outside of us is a reflection of what is going on inside. That all our thoughts, beliefs and stories about ourselves and society create the present reality that is unfolding in front of us. It is the idea that if you do not like what is happening outside of yourself, you have the power to transform it by shedding the limitations and constructs you have been programmed to believe. This editorial space offers spiritual guidance, lessons, and practical tips and tools to allow you see the truth of yourself and embrace all you are becoming. Follow along with Intuitive Life Coach & Writer, Erica Sauer, so you can turn your magic all the way the f*&k on.